Delusions of “the one”
I just watched 500 days of summer and I’m left with a potent need to write. After watching the movie, a thought I’ve been harboring for the past month prevailed: pegging something, anything, as “the one” will always be premature and unsustainable. Quite obviously, but often dismissed is the notion that nothing in life stays the same; everything from health, career, love and education evolves. This is why I’ve taken a newfound fondness to the notion of re-calibrating.
(Spoiler)
Back to the movie for a few minutes. In 500 days of summer, Tom is instantly dazzled by Summer. It doesn’t take him long to affirm that she is the only one that can make him happy in life. Summer on the other hand makes it clear to Tom before and after they start dating that she does not want to commit to a relationship. What’s important to note here is just how sure these two characters are so sure of what they want for themselves and in each other in the long run. As their “non-relationship” progresses, both grow closer to one another, making Tom confident that Summer’s walls are finally dissolving. How this happens and why (revealed only at the end), Summer pulls away and ends the “non relationship”, leaving Tom confused and shattered. He was absolutely certain that what he and Summer had going on was bound to be long lasting. With time, and through a series of coincidental encounters, Tom discovers that Summer is engaged. WHAT? Yep, engaged. The girl who claims she doesn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend is now someone’s wife. At his favorite park bench he once took her to, Tom finds Summer. She reminds him of an earlier conversation they had about love. In that conversation, Tom tried to convince Summer that love exists and she would “just know” when it happens. Back at the bench Summer tells Tom that she finally found love, by pure coincidence, just not with Tom. He is devastated, but seemingly only for a few minutes. The movie closes with Tom going in for an interview for a position he never had faith he would attain. While waiting for the interview, he meets a girl who is also interviewing for the same position. Small talk leads to a discovery of unrealized crossed paths on Tom’s part at the park bench. Tom: “I never saw you there”. Autumn: “You never looked”.
OK, I am done with the movie rambling and just about done with the philosophy rambling. The context of my opinions are not based on personal relationships. They are based on everything. The message I took away from the movie is that putting faith on a perceived “absolute” is delusional. I have faith on going forward with and sticking to what feels right from a number of different perspectives. I have faith in change and adaptation. This is not to be confused with being non-committal. On the contrary, I believe in committing to something as long as it feels right.
